The term "redneck" is often misunderstood by those north of the Mason-Dixon line. Many Yankees misunderstand this beloved term of endearment and treat the word as if it were some kind of insult. A true Southerner understands that achieving the state of Redneck is a noble pursuit. The guiding principles of Redneck philosophy are easily misunderstood by outsiders, so let's take a closer look at the goals of those who strive for the state of Redneck.
Also, see my related notes on red neck art collecting, Redneck lawn ornaments and Redneck Cuisine ideas.
The Redneck Philosophy
Being a "real" Redneck is so much more than driving a pick-up truck and naming your dog Bubba. A true Redneck does not feel the need to impress people with the outward trappings of superficial wealth and a real Redneck is perfectly comfortable in an Armani suit or a stained t-shirt. Redneck art is now being sold in the top galleries, and make sure to read by notes redneck animal art. Rednecks truly feel sorry for the poor bastards who work their asses off for eight years in college only to become corporate slaves; all that hard work just to get a decent BMW and a Rolex. You see, a real Redneck would never feel the need to brag or ever think to mention to hard working yuppies that the 80 acre family farm is worth eight million dollars, and of that, five million is in farm equipment that is only used a few weeks each year. Without trying to sound too much like Jeff Foxworthy, a great comedian who is a tad misinformed about Redneck theology, let me explain the basic tenets of achieving a state of Redneck:
Sense of Inner Peace – True Rednecks are at peace with the world, and this is not just because they have guns in every room of their home. They are not remotely concerned with what others may think of their Redneck lifestyle.
High Sense of Duty and Honor – True Rednecks will defend their sacred honor and will not tolerate those who disparage their families, traditions or loved ones. Many a surprised New Yorker has pondered this while visiting an Emergency Room after flipping off a Redneck.
Disregard for Time – True Rednecks do no respect man-made timelines. Their lives are lived one day at a time. True rednecks may put cars up on blocks for a decade before restoration even begins.
Disregard for Man-Made Mores – True Rednecks will follow their tastes and desires without regard for social customs and that which might constitute “appropriate” behavior in polite company. Rednecks are not constrained by outsider opinions or what Madison Avenue dictates about taste, so they are free to embrace whatever they choose without guilt or remorse.
Honoring Ancestors – Real Rednecks know details about every one of their ancestors who fought in the American Revolution and the Civil War. Ardent patriots, true Rednecks will always fly the Star Spangled Banner right above the Stars and Bars on every national holiday. True Rednecks will also participate in war reenactments as a way of honoring the Redneck sacrifices of their ancestors.
Eschewing Wealth –
My cousin Sara-Ruth lives on land with a massive garden and her own livestock. She even has a banana tree. The only things she buys are sugar and coffee. Her house and properly were paid for centuries ago when our Great-Great-Great Granddaddy, Aaron Burleson, received it from the Continental Congress as a thank-you for him having fought in the American Revolution. Sara-Ruth lives a simple and free life with none of the usual worries about money and keeping up with the Joneses.
Living around Rednecks has had a profound effect on my way of looking at life. Once while driving my fancy new car, I visited a country cousin and committed what Redneck Theologists call the “sin of pride” when I mentioned that the car had cost me a fortune. In good humor, he pointed to his giant farm tractor and said, “Well, I’m impressed. See that reaper over there? She cost me over $200,000.00; I paid cash; and I reckon I only take her out a few weeks a year”. Man, was I ever humbled in the presence of such profound Redneck wisdom. I now think twice before bragging.
Sure, the tenets and promises of the Redneck Theology seem like unachievable goals, but I’m told that with years of conscientious study and practice, as true state of Redneck is achievable, even for a sinner like me.
Now, I ask you: How am I doing as a Redneck?
While I freely admit that I am but a neophyte, I have studied Redneck Theology for years and have tried to mold my life in the image of those who possess the true inner peace of Redneck nirvana. While I normally don’t like to brag, I think I’ve made great progress in my quest for Redneck nirvana.
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